I, Dull, Again

Last night’s American Idol expulsions were completely expected, and in fact I’ve determined that this entire season has become entirely and tiredly predicable. The Presidential race is almost more interesting. Early on in this stage of the competition, young David Archuleta was dubbed “the one to beat,” and while I feel like Simon’s input has become trite and self-serving, America embraced this opinion and is obviously willing to see it to completion.

I have enjoyed these contestants’ alternative arrangements to some of America’s pop culture standards, including Archuleta's famous "Imagine," what’s-his-name’s emo spin on Lionel Richie’s "Hello," and Brooke White’s acoustic "Love is a Battlefield," one of my top five favorite ‘80s songs of all time. (I’ll save that list for another entry.) Since her voice couldn’t mimic Pat Benatar’s credence, she essentially took the tune’s lyrics literally and turned the song into a wartime mantra, and, assuming the contestants are solely responsible for their respective arrangements, I was impressed with her creativity. David Noriega’s "Tainted Love" wasn’t unique but I enjoyed it, obviously more so than Simon, who slammed the rendition perhaps in a strategic move to force out the unpredictably "spicy" hothead. I confess, I liked him, though I shuddered when the judges often awkwardly praised him for just being himself. Had he made the top twelve and so on, it would’ve been a matter of time before Randy blurted, "Yo, dog, listen, uhm . . . You’re gay! And, like, it’s all good!" For a trio of supposed industry experts, they sure do struggle with the rich complexities of a potential artist’s multifaceted personality.

So we did the ‘60s, ‘70s, and ‘80s, yet rumors reveal that next week’s theme is Beatles tracks. No ‘90s? Is Paula afraid of the ramifications? Would the combination of hearing Chakeezy’s rendition of Boys II Men’s "Water Runs Dry" and the chemicals she obviously abuses simply to stay alive propel her into a state of irredeemable dementia? Is she afraid Randy would dub her foamy squeals “too pitchy?”

Bottom line is, if that happened, I’d agree with Simon. Too cabaret. Too predictable.

Supplemental: I googled "Chakeezy" to check its spelling, and the engine asked me if I meant "cheesy." 'Nuff said!