Tuesday, August 25, 2009

My Man-Crushes 2009: Mr. T

I have a confession to make. I almost removed Mr. T from my man-crush list. I know -- but hear me out! Considering the categories I've established by which to judge candidates, I wasn't sure if he'd fit the bill. Yes, Mr. T is definitely a man's man, and his body of work in the entertainment industry is multi-faceted and exhaustive, but frankly I was afraid that it was exhausted. Since his reality show on TV Land, which was airing when I wrote my first man-crush list, I haven't seen hide or mohawked hair of Mr. T . . . until a few weeks ago. Then, I saw this:

Mr. T is back -- and full of flavor! So, as if you really needed me to explain it, here's how Mr. T measures up by my man-crush standards!

Contemporary Influence: Hello? The FlavorWave? Need I go on?! Seriously, despite his delegation to infomercial celebrity, Mr. T has still made an impression on current events, as recently as a few years ago when he decided to give up wearing his token gold jewelry to help victims of Hurricane Katrina. How many celebrities would literally shed the skin of their wealth to help others so selflessly? That Mr. T hasn't been in the limelight as much lately is perhaps indicative of his continued good deeds behind the scenes -- that he'll stretch his head above water for a six minute infomercial is enough to say he's just paying the bills to get back to his real work: pitying fools.

A Practical Understanding of the Opposite Sex: I don't know about you, but frankly I can't imagine what Mrs. T would be like. She certainly wouldn't be prone to no jibber-jabber, that's for sure! Yet, Mr. T has always expressed the importance for loving one's mother, which speaks straight to the heart of women everywhere. Also, Mr. T is a problem-solving team player, which sends an important message to the opposite sex, as established from his role on The A-Team and as a leader in the Mr. T cartoon. Yes, there was a Mr. T cartoon -- which further says to the ladies, "Hey . . . I like kids." Sometimes the simplest gestures are the most important.

Global Significance: Finally, I dare say that Mr. T has become an ambassador of America to the world through his virtual conquest of all important media. From his role as Clubber Lang in Rocky III, to his delicious breakfast cereal, Mr. T knows the way to society's heart is through its stomach -- whether he's punching it or filling it with the most important meal of the day. Most importantly to me, Mr. T has appeared in a variety of comics, most recently in a series published by Mohawk Media in the UK. That's right -- the United Kingdom! Is that global enough for you?!

Finally, despite his getting on in years, Mr. T can undoubtedly crush me for not keeping him on my list, so rest assured -- even without those gold chains, Mr. T has earned a wealth . . . of my respect.

ADDENDUM: Did you know Mr. T stars in the animated film, Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs?! I didn't until his fellow man-crush Craig Ferguson mentioned it on his September 21 show, when he boldly stated, "If you don't think Mr. T is awesome, I have a question for you: How long have you been in Al Qaeda?" Amen!


johnny_justice said...

my favorite part has to be the audience's reactions. The little old lady that just can't wait to give Mr. T a standing ovation...

egieling said...

You forget his Humantarian acts... I think I saw him once on the 900 Club giving food out to poor children.

Also Contemporary appearences must include several appearances on the Late Show with Conan O Brian... where he tried to shout an apple out of a tree and when he presented the I pity the fool list.

Lastly how does Johnny boy respond so fast to these posts... doesn't he talk to his wife when he gets home?