Thursday, November 15, 2007

Justice League Holidays

The attacks on Santa have begun.

I've explained the palpable connection between the holidays and comic book culture once before: in a nutshell, both are colorful cultural genres that hinge on selfless, sometimes myth-based icons conveyed via a childlike suspension of disbelief. I liken these politically correct attacks on Santa and his peers with Dr. Fredric Wertham's Seduction of the Innocent scare from the '50s. Indeed, St. Nick is as sexist with his "ho"-ridden chuckle as Batman and Robin are gay.

Yes, I'm a staunch advocate for Santa Claus and have been ever since I saw a TV special advocating his existence, which even included celebrity eye witness accounts from the likes of Stevie Wonder. (Figure that one out.) I consider the charitable work I facilitate around this time of year as direct marching orders from Kringle, because, in these days leading up to The Big Night, he's too busy to do everything. After all those years of He-Man and Super Powers action figures under the tree, it's the least I can do.

I even wrote a comic book about Santa Claus. Still have some copies laying around if anyone want to cough up the three bucks. I'm actually thinking about revisiting the material, if time and inspiration permit . . .

Incidentally, considering Santa's frequent cameos in comics, I've speculated that he should be an honorary member of the Justice League, but since I've established a roster of reality star Leaguers, I now feel compelled to do so with holiday iconography, too. So, sitting around the Watchtower, North Pole Branch would be:

1. Santa Claus. Of course. He's the Superman of the holiday season, boasting the most special abilities and even an Arctic fortress of solitude.

2. The Easter Bunny. Trapped in Santa's shadow, the Easter Bunny is the Batman of the group, particularly since his existence hinges around a holiday steeped in the implications of death.

3. The Tooth Fairy. Like Nancy Grace in my "real Justice League," the Tooth Fairy offers a woman's touch to the group and, when roundtable arguments get too heated, can always tell the boys to watch their mouths. Yes.

4. Cupid. The Most Powerful Baby Alive.

5. Uncle Sam. Representing Independence Day, Presidents Day, Memorial Day, and Veterans Day, Uncle Sam has the biggest burden to bear. More than upholding any one of these holidays, he carries the weight of The American Dream.

6. A leprechaun. Drunk. Like Aquaman must be. Also, rich.

7. The Halloween Chair. Halloween has a steady rotation of representative mythical characters, from vampires to witches to mummies to Frankenstein. I don't know if any one of them truly stand up as the ultimate liaison, though a classically sheeted ghost could conceal almost anyone's identity . . .

With Thanksgiving right around the corner, I'm tempted to include a turkey, but I don't think he would last very long.

Despite that article, I know Santa respects women, but I don't think he can resist a good meal.

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