Man-Cave 1.1

Click to see the beginning of my two-part "Man-Cave" expose -- a breakdown of the cool stuff in the room my girlfriend was kind enough to let me dominate. I kept the more personal stuff vague, with an emphasis on pop culture-y/comic book things, 'cause, really, who cares about my personal stuff?

Review: Star Trek: The Tour

The following is a comprehensive, personal review of Star Trek: The Tour. Be warned, it is not spoiler-free, and if you're planning on paying to attend when the Tour comes to your town, I'd recommend not reading, to preserve your sense of wonder and appreciation. If you're gonna read it anyway, you might as well check out my pictures at Flickr. It's all there, folks!

Several years ago, my Project Ideal teacher (an elementary school program for "gifted students" in Arizona) asked our class to visualize "a special place" for a meditation exercise. In the throes of early Star Trek: The Next Generation fandom, my friend Travis and I visualized ourselves on the Enterprise-D; fortunately, I shared my experience first, making Trav look a little sheepish. (Our pal Raul thought of Paris, which impressed our teacher but was obviously a reference to Captain Picard's roots from the fourth season episode "Family." We were onto you, man.) Despite the dangers of Cardassian peace negotiations or persistently imminent Borg threats, a twenty-fourth century starship seems like one of the safest, most comfortable places in the universe, and ever since that day, I've still fantasized about wandering the Enterprise's halls.

On Saturday, January 19, my dreams became a reality, thanks to Star Trek: The Tour.

Star Trek: The Tour is a comprehensive, interactive traveling museum of Star Trek memorabilia and began its multi-city voyage last week at the Queen Mary Dome in Long Beach, California. My girlfriend bought us (really, me) tickets to its second day, and we were wise to wake up early and line up for the 10 a.m. opening, because by 11:30 the Dome was filled with Trekkies and pop culture aficionados alike. In addition to the multitude of costumes and props, the Tour offers two rides, five full scale set pieces, and a round-theater show. The Dome was a logistically perfect venue for the Tour's inaugural exhibit, accommodating all of its features (and the lines for the rides) without overcrowding the prop and costume displays; further, being so close to the ocean, my inner Trekkie couldn't help but remember the holodeck-rendered seafaring scene from Star Trek: Generations. Captain Picard's envy of Earth's earliest adventures surely came full circle with his ship on display alongside the mythic Queen Mary.

Since we arrived early and were among the first fifty fans through the door, my girlfriend and I had the advantage of avoiding significant waits in line. Of course, I was eager to walk onto the bridge of the Enterprise-D, but with the classic Enterprise bridge adjacent to the entrance, I couldn't resist an exercise in nostalgia. When I sat in Captain Kirk's chair, the attendant was quick to explain its delicacy, pointing to a few broken buttons that resulted from a female fan's exuberance the day before. While my girlfriend took a few pictures, I posed for the Tour's keepsake photo, starring a superimposed Enterprise crew and available for purchase in the gift shop. Even at $17.95 for a 5" x 7", who can turn down an opportunity like that?



With the taste for the captain's chair fresh on my pallet, we rushed to the back of the Dome, where we found the beloved bridge of the Enterprise-D. The crowd was already clogging itself into the exhibit's entrance, where the original series' memorabilia was displayed, so I had a significant amount of time to myself on the flagship bridge, which satiated the fifteen-year wait of my inner child just fine. I sat in the captain's chair and at Lt. Comm. Data's ops station, then at tactical, in a moment of silent reflection that must have rivaled Picard's from those opening moments in the episode "Starship, Mine." Perhaps because we were still in the first few minutes of the Tour, the bridge was too dimly lit for my tastes, which certainly affected the quality of my personal pictures. Further, while the scale of the Enterprise-D bridge was grander than its classic counterpart, the Tour made no effort to superimpose crew members, which made the pricey purchase of a studio-style photo unrealistic to me. Still, I was grateful for the opportunity to, yes, engage in a boyhood fantasy. As Picard explains to Data when they behold the inaugural warp ship in Star Trek: First Contact, something about touching it makes it much more real to the human condition.

The other three full scale set pieces were more subtle in their presentation but just as viable in their picturesque potential: a section of TNG's Engineering, an Enterprise-D hallway, and a 24th century Transporter Room (which, for argument's sake, I'll say could apply to any post-original series). The mini-Engineering model, with a 2-D replica of the Enterprise's warp core, was a pleasant surprise; for every command decision made from the bridge, Data, La Forge, sometimes Ensign Crusher and even Lt. Barclay were responsible for brainstorming that "it" in Picard's "make it so" around that little technical island. Down the Enterprise's hallway, facsimiles of Sick Bay and the Captain's quarters could be observed, each with their own respective, trivia-inducing props. Of course, the Transporter Room was the final, more interactive guilty pleasure of the corridor, and though the attendant boasted an ill-timed Scotty-like accident (unless we were to recollect the TNG episode "Relics"), attendees could watch themselves beam off a television monitor. To my surprise, I was the only one that commanded the attendant, "Energize," which evoked knowing laughter from the watchful crowd.

The two rides were perhaps the most interactive applications to the Star Trek universe throughout the Tour, but also offered the most room for criticism of the experience. While one ride looked very much like a shuttle craft, the other was merely a pale flight simulator, yet both of them included the same video game-like simulation. The shuttle ride could easily be likened to Disneyland's Star Tours or Universal's departed Back to the Future attraction in scale and mobility, but the smaller, two-person flight simulation was much more dynamic, flipping its occupants upside down like an interstellar washing machine. My girlfriend was quick to note her gratitude for doing the shuttle ride first, as its more subtle motions would've been a disappointment in the face of the same video scenario. Still, a chance to dodge Borg spheres with a virtual Worf at the helm, whose "Perhaps today is a good day to die" exclamation evoked cheers from my fellow craft riders, makes for good day, even if you have to live through it twice.

The prop and costume displays were surprising in their scope, particularly from a fan like me who has never ventured to a Star Trek convention or exhibit of this magnitude. All five television series and all ten feature films were tangibly represented in some fashion, and the more specific details were documented in a "History of the Future" timeline that reminded me of the Star Trek: The Experience attraction in Las Vegas. (My friends and I did that ride several years ago, and, in light of everything else that happened that weekend, I only vaguely remember it!) I suppose the truly comprehensive nature of the exhibit implied a certain sense of finality in this chapter of Trek's story; with Abrams' interpretation over the horizon, I wonder how this iconic imagery will mesh with a more modern incarnation of the Enterprise's classic five year mission.

Fortunately, the conclusion of the Tour breathes new life in the Star Trek dedicated fans know and love. With a few dozen other attendees, my girlfriend and I exited the exhibit hall into a round-robin theater, the walls of which are lined with screens. The arena reminded me of the Backdraft tour at Universal Studios. Then, a familiar face greets the group -- Lieutenant Wesley Crusher of the starship U.S.S. Titan. The theater is introduced as the Stellar Cartography deck, and we are identified as participants in a demonstration of the Federation's new comprehensive data stream. In a moment of gleeful revelation, the first element exposed on the stream is the design of the Titan, a ship we know is commanded by Captain William Riker but that hasn't been exposed in film. Suddenly, an alien presence attempts to hijack the stream, and Crusher is joined by Commander Tuvok to combat the threat. The ten minute show is a truly rewarding experience in cheesy light and smoke, and an excellent way to end the Tour. For a moment, attendees like me are actually a viable part of the Star Trek universe, which teaches us that Roddenberry's dream will always remain alive via our persistent fandom. The pleasure is obviously all ours.

In closing, I have to mention the gift shop, where I chose and claimed my classic Enterprise bridge picture. Interestingly, and very ironically, the registers to purchase memorabilia weren't capable of accepting ATM or credit cards, and their floundering staff had to repeatedly announce that they were accepting cash only. Also, all of my pictures were stored on a card given at the Tour's entrance, and staff experienced a bit of difficulty printing and distributing purchased pictures. The inconvenience was fleeting, but having just come from a comprehensive look at a terrible convenient future, the irony was as palpable as Romulan ale, or anything else on the Ten Forward menu, for that matter. Perhaps now that hundreds of fans have experienced Star Trek: The Tour, the appropriate parties have ironed out the kinks. Still, what's the harm in exchanging some our primitive currency for a dream fifteen years in the making? Such an opportunity to relive one's past through another's vision of the future . . . priceless.

Engage!

Me on the bridge of the Enterprise-D, thanks to Star Trek: The Tour. A comprehensive review of the experience, coming soon!

Top 10 New Year's Resolutions for Britney

Long story, but the short of it is, I was known for writing top 10 lists back in high school. My brother requested this topic yesterday, I solicited my old pal Wade to help, and we came up with this in less than a day:

Top 10 New Year's Resolutions for Britney

10. Shave head like Mr. T., insist handlers call her "Ms. B."
9. Add more moany "yea yea yea yea yea yeas" into every day speech, i.e. "Can I get a yea yea yea yea yea yea Whopper?"
8. Create more wholesome stage persona like Miley Cyrus' Hannah Montana, name her "Cracky McNutjob"
7. Teach kids about proud Spears heritage by decorating their room with REAL spears
6. Do a PSA about postpartum depression entitled "Hit My Baby One More Time" (Wade offered that one)
5. Invent nicotine-flavored edible underwear; eat it off self
4. Record voice-over for new automobile alarm that announces: "Stop taking out your daddy issues with that umbrella and step away from the car"
3. Make Justin Timberlake voodoo doll out of old Michael Jackson voodoo doll and Brillo pad, poke it in groin to see if his voice can get any higher
2. Insist that MTV VMA performance was really just the beginning of a new dance craze called "The Drunken Wobble" (also inspired by Wade)
1. Begin filming "Crossroads 2: Jayden Takes the Wheel"

8:54 a.m. to 1:41 p.m.

I'm in the middle of a much-needed morning sabbatical, following yesterday's comprehensive evaluation at work. No need to document details about that, other than to comment that the folks responsible for funding much of our country's concept of "the after school program" obviously don't inhabit said programs long enough to understand the real essence of fulfilling a community's needs. These grants are written by desk jockeys that presume their experiences from some twenty years ago, and what they saw on Dateline last night, is enough to inform them about what best for the average 2008 kid.

Little do they know that the 2008 kid would just as quickly take your cell phone if you left it unattended as he would fall prey to a wandering neighborhood pedophile. Balance that . . .

Fortunately, the new year isn't all high expectations and embittered confrontations. Thanks to the hardships of moving amidst the holidays, 2007 latched onto my leg like a little stubborn pitbull that I kept trying to shake free. Then, 2008 showered Southern California in a baptism of watery resolutions, washing away the previous 365, and thankfully not some high-priced Malibu cul-de-sac. (Not that they weren't prepared. I didn't know there was enough sand on those Malibu beaches to fill so many burlap sacks. Still, for all their fire and landslide deterrents, nothing will help them when one of Pamela Anderson's breasts breaks free of its host and self-replicates into an army of silicone Tribbles . . . yes, you heard it here first.)

So I hopped on a bus toward my favorite comic book stop with my .mp3 player freshly loaded with some favorite tunes when, at my transfer point, Mother Nature called. No, it wasn't the kind of call you can transfer to voice mail; it was an urgent, potentially lengthy conversation. With just a 20 minute window before my next bus arrived, I was fortunate to take the call in an adjacent Wal-Mart and find the Legendary Comic Book Heroes series three Sin City Marv action figure. I made it back to curb just as the bus was pulling up. When Mother calls, she has a good reason.

I've begun my second year of A Comic A Day, my daily attempt to read and review a comic book I've never read before. Time to type up an entry about The Drowners #1 by Nabiel Kanan, finish this organic iced chai tea latte at Tustin's Lost Bean, then stroll to the comic book store for a good half hour's worth of perusing, then take the buses back to work just in time for the kids to get out of school. A better day really couldn't be written.